In the modern world, where relationships are often transactional and fleeting, the idea of “true love” has become both a longing and a mystery. For most people, love is an emotional high, an attraction, or even an attachment to someone who fulfills their desires. But what if everything we thought we knew about love is flawed? What if true love has nothing to do with how we feel and everything to do with how we serve? In a soul-stirring discourse, Swami Mukundananda dives deep into the wisdom of the Bhagavad Gita and reveals that real love is not about what we receive—it is about what we give. It is not a feeling to fall into, but a conscious action we choose to cultivate.
The Search for True Love: Why Most of Us Are Looking in the Wrong Place
In every generation, across cultures and societies, people continue searching for something they often cannot fully define—true love. Whether it’s through dating apps, arranged marriages, or romantic daydreams, we are all, in some way, seeking a connection that fulfills our deepest emotional needs. But the truth is that most of us are looking for love in all the wrong places—and often for the wrong reasons. We chase affection to feel complete, pursue relationships to find happiness, and unknowingly treat love as a commodity. As Swamiji highlights in his powerful lecture on love, what we call love is often a carefully disguised form of self-interest. The profound teachings of the Bhagavad Gita offer a path to reframe our understanding of love—not as a transaction, but as a spiritual offering. Not something to extract from the other, but something to give without expecting in return.
Romance vs. Real Love: The Story That Exposes the Illusion
Swamiji recounts a story that perfectly illustrates this misconception. A young couple came to him asking for blessings before their marriage. Curious to understand their bond, he asked them individually why they wished to marry each other. The boy said the girl was beautiful, her father was well-off, and she loved him deeply—he believed he would be truly happy with her. The girl’s reasons were similarly self-focused: he had a successful corporate future, was caring, and looked after her well. Both, although affectionate, were unknowingly describing the other in terms of how that person made them feel. Swamiji then gently pointed out that their intent was not to give, but to receive. And when receiving stops, such a relationship becomes fragile.
This anecdote is not uncommon—it’s painfully familiar. In many relationships, we are unconsciously seeking validation, security, pleasure, or companionship, not because we truly love the other, but because they fulfill a role in our life. When they fail to meet those needs, our emotions waver, leading to disappointment, conflict, or detachment. This is where true love differs: it is not about what someone gives us; it’s about what we offer from the depths of our being, without condition.
What the Bhagavad Gita Says About Selfless Love
The Bhagavad Gita, one of the world’s most profound spiritual texts, makes it clear: selflessness is the foundation of any lasting love. In the very beginning of creation, Lord Brahma (the Creator) reminded humankind that life itself is meant to be centered around yajña—selfless service.
Bhagavad Gita 3.10
Sanskrit:
सहयज्ञा: प्रजा: सृष्ट्वा पुरोवाच प्रजापति: |
अनेन प्रसविष्यध्वमेष वोऽस्त्विष्टकामधुक् ||
saha-yajñāḥ prajāḥ sṛiṣhṭvā purovācha prajāpatiḥ
anena prasaviṣhyadhvam eṣha vo ’stviṣhṭa-kāma-dhuk
Translation:
In the beginning of creation, Brahma created humankind along with duties, and said, “Prosper in the performance of these yajñas (sacrifices), for they shall bestow upon you all you wish to achieve.”
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The message here is that love without selflessness is incomplete. If we enter relationships with the mindset of “What will I get from this?” we’re engaging in an emotional transaction—not in love. Real love begins when our priority shifts from ‘my happiness’ to ‘your well-being.’
Are Soulmates Real? The Spiritual Reality Behind the Romantic Notion
The idea of a soulmate is emotionally appealing—one person destined to understand us fully and love us unconditionally. But is it real? Swamiji answers with both humor and clarity. He shares the story of a husband who, after 25 years of being impatient and irritable, one day praised his wife’s unmatched patience. She never argued or became angry despite his behavior. When he asked how she managed her frustration, she said whenever he would behave adversely, she would simply clean the toilet seat with his toothbrush. It’s a humorous anecdote, but it reveals the hidden conflicts even in long-standing relationships.
Swamiji explains that the concept of a soulmate, as popularly imagined, is flawed. Our bodies, temperaments, and desires are governed by the three gunas—sattva (goodness), rajas (passion), and tamas (ignorance). These constantly shift, leading to inevitable disagreements. True soulmates, if any, can only exist on the spiritual plane, not the material one. Our only eternal relationship is with God, who is unchanging, ever-loving, and fully selfless.
Bhagavad Gita 15.7
Sanskrit:
ममैवांशो जीवलोके जीवभूत: सनातन: |
मन:षष्ठानीन्द्रियाणि प्रकृतिस्थानि कर्षति ||
mamaivānśho jīva-loke jīva-bhūtaḥ sanātanaḥ
manaḥ-ṣhaṣhṭhānīndriyāṇi prakṛiti-sthāni karṣhati
Translation:
The embodied souls in this material world are My eternal fragmental parts. But bound by material nature, they are struggling with the six senses including the mind.
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God alone is our eternal companion, our true “soulmate.” Worldly relationships, while meaningful and beautiful, are not designed to fulfill our deepest longing for unconditional acceptance. That space is filled only by divine love.
From Transaction to Transformation: The Three Modes of Love
Swamiji eloquently categorizes our love into three types: lust, business, and true love. Lust is driven by desire and pleasure—“take, take, take.” Business is a fair exchange—“give and take.” But true love is pure giving, without expecting anything in return. Sadly, most relationships today, even with God, fall somewhere between the first two.
Even our prayers often reflect a business mindset. We approach God with demands—“Give me success, bless my family, solve my problems.” This is understandable, but it is not love—it is need disguised as devotion.
The Gita warns against this mindset:
Bhagavad Gita 3.37
Sanskrit:
काम एष क्रोध एष रजोगुणसमुद्भव: ||
महाशनो महापाप्मा विद्ध्येनमिह वैरिणम् ||
kāma eṣha krodha eṣha rajo-guṇa-samudbhavaḥ
mahāśhano mahā-pāpmā viddhyenam iha vairiṇam
Translation:
It is lust alone, which is born of contact with the mode of passion, and later transformed into anger. Know this as the sinful, all-devouring enemy in the world.
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The more we expect, the more we risk disappointment. But when we act out of love—purely to give—there is no scope for anger or resentment.
The Real Test of Love: Can It Survive Hurt and Disappointment?
Perhaps the most profound idea in Swamiji’s lecture is this: the strength of love is not seen in pleasure, but in pain. It’s easy to feel affectionate when things are going well. But what happens when the other person hurts us, forgets us, or lets us down? If our love remains, it is real. If it breaks, it was conditional.
This is beautifully reflected in the qualities of a true devotee, as described in Chapter 12 of the Gita:
Bhagavad Gita 12.13–14
Sanskrit:
अद्वेष्टा सर्वभूतानां मैत्र: करुण एव च |
निर्ममो निरहङ्कार: समदु:खसुख: क्षमी ||
सन्तुष्ट: सततं योगी यतात्मा दृढनिश्चय: |
मय्यर्पितमनोबुद्धिर्यो मद्भक्त: स मे प्रिय: ||
adveṣhṭā sarva-bhūtānāṁ maitraḥ karuṇa eva cha
nirmamo nirahankāraḥ sama-duḥkha-sukhaḥ kṣhamī
santuṣhṭaḥ satataṁ yogī yatātmā dṛiḍha-niśhchayaḥ
mayy arpita-mano-buddhir yo mad-bhaktaḥ sa me priyaḥ
Translation:
Those devotees are very dear to Me who are free from malice toward all living beings, who are friendly, and compassionate. They are free from attachment to possessions and egotism, equipoised in happiness and distress, and ever-forgiving. They are ever-content, steadily united with Me in devotion, self-controlled, of firm resolve, and dedicated to Me in mind and intellect.
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This is the ideal to aspire toward, not just in devotion to God, but in our human relationships as well.
Conclusion: Becoming the Embodiment of Love
In the final moments of his talk, Swamiji shares that divine love is not destroyed even when the beloved causes pain. That’s the litmus test: does your love persist through disappointment? If yes, then it has the fragrance of the eternal.
So how do we cultivate this rare, resilient love? Through practice. Daily reflection, serving without seeking reward, surrendering our ego, and placing the happiness of others above our own. This is the heart of bhakti, the essence of love taught by the Bhagavad Gita and lived by saints throughout time.
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